by Mrs. Anastasia Rebello
“Kindness is in our power even if fondness is not, It is far better to forgive and forget than resent and remember”
1 John 1 v 9 tells us that “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and purify us from our unrighteousness”
I would like to begin with a testimony that I read years ago. There was a man, who was on his deathbed in hospital; who had not spoken much ever since he was admitted but one night made a request to one of the sisters that he would like to receive his last sacraments. The sister called a priest from a nearby town as the Chaplain of the hospital was unavailable. The priest said he would come, but would take sometime as there was a Blizzard outside.
The priest finally reached the Hospital at around 3.00 am in the morning. When he visited the patient he casually asked him: “How are you, I have just dropped in to say a hello?” The Patient’s prompt reply was: “I know you have not just come to say Hello but to give my last sacraments. So Father, get on with it.” The priest then asked him if he would like to share something before he gave him the sacraments, All he said was, get on with it.
Just as the priest was about to minister the patient said “Father, just a moment, I would like to share something that I have not shared with anyone. Several years ago, I was a switch guard working for a railway company. One New Year’s night I volunteered to give the signals as I thought I was not as drunk as the others present at the party. I gave the wrong signal and a Goods train passing a level crossing killed an entire family in a car crossing the level crossing. I don’t know if God will ever forgive me. The priest replied: “God has forgiven you, I have forgiven you a long time ago, and will you forgive yourself”. The patient looked confused. Then priest told him that in that car was his family. Sometimes we too are like this gentleman wondering if God will ever forgive us. But we must remember 1John 1v9
Every morning when we wake up we get up with feelings; some good some not so good. Our feelings determine our day. Pressing past our feelings help us to do some thing right, but sometimes giving into our feelings helps do the things we just don’t like. If we don’t get past our anger it leads to unforgiveness. The Bible is very explicit about unforgiveness. For example some of us who have come here to the prayer meeting probably angry with someone. When God ask us to forgive He is not telling us to do the impossible but the possible.
So how do I get past the feelings of Anger and Bitterness? How do I it?
- Get to the core of the issue
- Be honest with yourself
EX: If I’m in a lousy mood –Why? What is really behind my mood? Sometimes we try to deal with it surface level while there something deep that is causing me to behave in a particular fashion. Like if you something stinking in your Fridge by putting a deodorizer the stink won’t go. You need to throw it out. The question I need to ask myself “Why am I so insecure when I need to be at peace with my self and others around me?”
Steps to overcoming our hurt Feelings:
Get to the root of the issue: Feelings buried alive never die. We need to stop stuffing ourselves; just like putting cotton over a festered wound. It will never heal. We need to know what is eating our relationship.
- With GOD
- With people
There are some feelings that are listed down that cause hurt.
- Strife: It is hidden or repressed anger. It begins with gossip, judgment, tale bearing, and backbiting. Strife is often exhibited with arguing, bickering and heated arguments and angry undercurrents.
- Impatience: It often produces anger when we can’t get when we want what we want. Most of us face this on a daily basis.
- Abuse of any kind: If we have had any mental, emotional, verbal, physical, sexual abuses we will be hurt. All abuses are injustices and injustices eventually leave the abused person feeling helpless and angry. Abuse of this kind cannot be ignored; it must be dealt with and processed before getting rid of it.
- Unmet needs: These needs can produce hurt feelings. We all have needs that can and should be met. We normally expect them to be met by those closest to us like our parents, our spouses or our children. When that does not happen we get hurt. Sometimes others cannot know and understand our need until we communicate to them.
- Jealousy: If we are jealous of someone else we are insecure. Contrary to our feelings the word of God in Jeremiah 29 v11 says I have great plans for you.
Some of the other reasons are some people are afraid that others may get ahead of them. They think their importance in the world depends on their job or their church position. Hurt feelings cause to be important in the eyes of men. If you have a problem, understand that God has you there for a reason. There is a big difference between being able and being ready. So don’t despise the day of small beginnings. Other roots are insecurity, fear of being controlled by job or other people and fear of confrontation. So if we can identify with the roots then the solution is available. If not we hide ourselves behind a mask.
To hide our feelings behind a mask : Here we are not talking of beauty mask but we as human beings when we are hurt we tend to use a mask.
- Cold shoulder mask. Such people tend to choose their own pain. Such a person feels isolated and lonely; Instead of working through the problem and developing lasting friendships.
- Silent treatment mask: These people are hurt, but say that they are not yet refuse to talk to you. They communicate only when absolutely necessary, usually with a grunt or a nod or monosyllables. When people avoid being with, touching or doing things for the individual, they are angry then and are usually hiding behind a mask. But that is not the answer; we need to deal with these feelings.
Ephesians 6 v12 tells us that “For our struggle is not against enemies of flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places”. So sometimes if people are not the problem, the devil is. So sometimes by our religious activity we make our business to point out the problem in others life and cause pain thus causing a hurt feeling. Here we help the evil one by entertaining certain thoughts about a person or event and magnify a situation thus causing us to react and create hurt feelings.
How to deal with hurt feelings
- Face the truth and choose your pain if you want God to do something mighty.
- Get to the root, face it positively. 1 Peter 5:8,9 says in a well balanced way. Instead of denying and justifying, ask God to help you with it in a positive way. Romans 12v21 says “Do not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” That is good advice, when Satan attacks you with something negative you respond positively. I remember reading about a particular religious who never spoke ill of others when asked about the devil all she had to say was: ‘He works very hard’.
- When we do what we can do, God will do what we can’t do. Romans 12 v 19 says “Vengeance is mine” Trust in God and He will take care of you and protect you.You can’t change the past but when you give it to God, He will give you a bright future. Amen