by Ms. Roshini Nunes
All of us go through loneliness at some point or another in our lives. God allows this for our own purification and healing. After all, it is not on the mountain tops but in the valleys where the greatest learning comes.
It is in loneliness that we are able to find God, find ourselves and really come to know others. We get to know and deal with our own weaknesses in a very powerful way.
Even in scripture we see that God spoke to people in times of their extreme loneliness.
The word of the Lord came to John in the wilderness
Abraham
- When Lot separated from him
- When he was childless
God’s word came powerfully to Elijah, when he was running away from Queen Jezebel.
Loneliness can become a time of great healing and blessing if we develop the right attitude to deal with it.
Each one of us, have some areas in our lives where we are lonely. We could be mightily blessed in many areas, however, probably one area that is hurting, where we need Gods touch. God will use that area to draw us closer to him and really make us what we are supposed to be.
St Augustine said – Our hearts were made for you Lord and they will never find rest unless they rest in you.
Stories of loneliness in the Bible
- Abraham’s childlessness
- Moses was not accepted in Pharoah’s kingdom and had to run away from royalty
- David’s Psalm of loneliness – Ps 25:16
- Jeremiah felt lonely too
- Jesus also was lonely – My God my God why have you forsaken me.
Even married people could be lonely – you could be in the arms of your beloved and yet be extremely lonely. So many young people commit suicide, even kill their own children before killing themselves!
So it is not so much your family, your wealth, your education, your career, your relationships that can determine how strong you are in your loneliness, but really how much you are able to rely on God, and really draw your strength and courage from him.
So yes my dear friend, God does know the deepest desires of our heart and how much we need his touch in that particular area. We do not have to hide that from God since he already knows it…in fact he is waiting to answer our prayers even before we know it.
Is 30:18-20
Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you; therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.
Yea, O people in Zion who dwell at Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when he hears it, he will answer you.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself any more, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.
How then to deal with the loneliness
- Fear
- Surrender
Become aware of what you are going though – Principles of Consolation and Desolation.
We try to run away from our loneliness – constantly seeking things to keep us busy – can we live without our phones / television.
If you are able to go through the pain of loneliness holding the Lord’s hand, you will be able to reap the blessings and benefits of it. God cannot be so unjust as to leave you alone in your loneliness. He is with you in it and will see me through it.
Befriend your wounds, accept the suffering and see how it becomes a blessing
Our pain in loneliness can become a great healing for others
Change your loneliness into solitude – where you deal with your aloneness in a very positive way. I can find joy right there in the midst of my suffering.
Constantly seeking friendship, approval from others….the more you are at peace with yourself, you will not seek to want others to fill up that space/ emptiness
When we cling to others we drive them further away.
That is why Jesus told Mary – do not cling to me – my heavenly form – I have not yet ascended.
Even relationships that are most healthy are the ones wherein you are able to give each other space. We can expect others to play God in our lives.
The roots of loneliness are very deep…they find their food in the suspicion that there is no one who cares and offers love without conditions, and no place where we can be vulnerable without being used. - (Henri Nouwen) Reaching Out
Be still and know that I am God.
God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world. — C.S. Lewis
Consolation and Desolation
3 ways of looking at your problems
- Positive
- Negative
- Neutral
Pray for your healing / deliverance, but till it doesn’t come, do not waste your suffering – offer it to the Lord – he can use it for deliverance.
Grace comes though the Sacraments and prayer
Practical Tips to deal with loneliness
- God first –He is the hub, rest everything are the spokes
- Change your attitude
- Remember others take a clue from you
- Get up and do something. We need to choose if we want to be sad or glad
- We need family and friends (Jesus went to Simon’s house / he went for the wedding feast at Cana)
- Use your talents / gifts – God has given you those talents to glorify him. Being holy is being a whole person. Sometimes God allows you to take a break – so that you can come back to it refreshed and renewed.
- Do good and trust in the Lord
- Be careful how you talk about your situation
- Risk of faith / Pit of despair
- God is working behind the scenes/ He will make it happen in his time.
- Plan ahead
- Praise and Thanksgiving
Remember only God can give us the peace we are looking for. His grace is sufficient for us – when we are weak he is strong 2 Cor 4:16-18
If I don’t deal with loneliness
- It will overpower you. You have to overpower it
- Deal with it early in life
- Depression / boredom / sadness / health issues
Scripture References:
Is 26: 3 – Thou dost keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusts in thee
Ps 4:7 – Thou has put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound
Ps 27:10 – For my father and mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me up
Gen 16 – El Roi
Ps 68:6 – The Lord puts the lonely in families
Ps 46:10 Be still and know that I am God
Ps 37:3 Trust in the Lord and do good, so you will dwell in the land and enjoy security